Preface: I wan't to say that this post is not a like most of my regular posts. This is just what I think and I recognize that I have not made any effort to make this post entertaining in anyway. I'm just pissed of and I wanted to say legitimately what I think about this product.
So we've all had a little bit of time to digest the spectacular failure that is the iPad. We all know that at some point Apple would be unveiling their new tablet; there were countless rumors on the web about what it would look like, what software it would support, what the tech specs would be, what its primary purpose would be, and the obvious question: what ridiculous price tag Apple slap on it. Most of those questions and more were answered during the iPad's keynote presentation.
Job's finally unveiled the iPad (pulled a sweatshirt off of it) about 30 minutes into the presentation. My first thought: "is that a 4:3 aspect ratio screen?" and with a closer look my fears were confirmed "it is a 4:3 screen... fuck". However even after the first disappointment I decided I would wait to hear the full story before I made any significant judgments, but things really did not get better from that point on.
Things really started to get hairy when Jobs began to talk about the technical aspects of this "magical" gizmo. First of all, the iPad does not run a real operating system, it essentially runs the same mobile software as the iPod touch. This means that it can only really run one application at once, but hey, when you can "even change the background photo" on the home-screen who gives a shit how many applications you can run at the same time.
At this point things really started to get disappointing. Since the iPad runs a mobile operating system because it is a"(mobile device" it can only run programs that are specifically made for it, much like the iPod touch. This means that (just like the iPod touch) the only applications that you will be able to put on your iPad will be coming straight from the App store, which you can conveniently access from your iPad. You might be asking yourself: how will third parties be able to program new apps for the iPad if they have no way of knowing how to develop software for a new kind of mobile operating system? OH FUCK THATS RIGHT! Apple is providing developers with a FREE software development kit (SDK)!!! WOW, thanks Apple, now we can write shitty apps that will be sold exclusively from the App store, meaning you can take the majority of the royalties earned from each purchase because there is nowhere else for us to sell our product. Oh hey... just like the App store for the iPod touch.
Jobs began the keynote asking the audience, "What could we make that is in between a laptop, and a smart phone (the iPhone)? Some would say a netbook." Jobs went on to say that Apple was not releasing a netbook because it was just a cheap shittier underpowered version of a laptop that runs "bad" PC software... which is true. But that's not too say that the iPad is better in any respect. It is far more expensive than most netbooks (we'll take a closer look at the pricing later on). It is equivalent or less powerful than most netbooks, running a 1GHz Apple A4 custom-designed processor. But what really gets to me about that statement is the "bad PC software" bit. Most netbooks run one of two operating systems. Usually they are either linux based or they run Windows XP, both of which are REAL FUCKING OPERATING SYSTEMS. The iPad on the other hand does not run a real operating system, and thus it is a toy.
As I said before, I have never been more insulted by a product in my life.
Please, I beg of you. Do to not buy the piece of shit.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Insult (Part I)
Hey everyone,
when was the last time your buddy asked you, "Hey man I have this crazy-fucking cool new toy that I think you'll really wanna buy from me, wanna see it?!" and you're like "Shit yes, I wanna see it!" and it turns out that your friend's 'cool new toy' was a piece of plywood with dog shit smeared all over it. The last time that happened to me was yesterday, January 27th, 2010, when Steve Jobs presented the general public with his keynote presentation of the iPad, Apple's new tablet.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with tech trends, a tablet is mobile "slate shaped" computer, and the iPad is Apple's version of the tablet. So let's first look at the pros of the iPad.
It looks ok: Alright so it looks okay I guess. What else could it have looked like though? It's a large iPod touch, I can't imagine who saw that one coming.
Pay as you go data: We'll see how long this promise stands up, but if it does, the contract-less pay as you go data plan is nice.
Even if you have had two fingers amputated you can still count all the pros on one hand: That includes this pro.
And now... Ladies and Gentleman, put your hands together for what you've all been waiting for, Andrew's critical look at the iPad:
INSULTS
First off, let me admit to something, since apple released the first generation of the iMac, I have always admired the aesthetic quality of most of their products. In my life, I have owned two apple computers: the iBook G4 and the black MacBook with the Core 2 duo processor. The iBook was okay i guess. It crapped out on me after about 3 years, and 2 new batteries, and I have been pretty happy with my MacBook minus the shitty case quality. In my life I have owned more than a few iPods: the first generation iPod mini, the 20gb black and white screen iPod classic, the second generation iPod photo, the first generation iPod video, the second generation iPod nano, and I bought the third generation iPod nano for my Dad's birthday a few years back (I also plan on purchasing the newest iPod classic because my video was stolen). Through out my iPod ownerships I have taken a number of them back to the Apple store to get them replaced for "lacking battery power" or random other problems (scratched screens). So over the years I have had a countless number of new iPods, I literally have no idea and throughout that time I have been relatively satisfied with all of them. They all preformed in the ways that what I wanted them to, although it would be nice if they could have supported .flac music content, but I digress. On top of all the Macs and iPods I still am using my second generation iPhone (unlocked for Canadian use, with no data plan). What I am trying to say with all of this; is that I know my apple products. I wouldn't consider myself an Apple fanboy (my desktop and primary computer is a PC with Windows 7*) but if someone were to call me a fanboy because of the money I have so delightfully shoveled into Steve Jobs' pockets I couldn't argue. So as someone who has been a relatively loyal customer to Apple, I must say that I have never been more insulted by a single product in my entire life.
So friends, let's do it. In the next three blogs here on PartyandBullshoot, amongst a number of surprise topics, we will tear this piece of shit product and its creator a gaping new asshole.
*I just want to take this opportunity to say how happy I am with Windows 7. This is what Vista should have been, and I am happy Microsoft saw the error of their ways and put a little more effort into the creation of the products they have decided to sell me, also the Zune HD looks pretty nice, I would suggest that over an iPod touch.
when was the last time your buddy asked you, "Hey man I have this crazy-fucking cool new toy that I think you'll really wanna buy from me, wanna see it?!" and you're like "Shit yes, I wanna see it!" and it turns out that your friend's 'cool new toy' was a piece of plywood with dog shit smeared all over it. The last time that happened to me was yesterday, January 27th, 2010, when Steve Jobs presented the general public with his keynote presentation of the iPad, Apple's new tablet.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with tech trends, a tablet is mobile "slate shaped" computer, and the iPad is Apple's version of the tablet. So let's first look at the pros of the iPad.
It looks ok: Alright so it looks okay I guess. What else could it have looked like though? It's a large iPod touch, I can't imagine who saw that one coming.
Pay as you go data: We'll see how long this promise stands up, but if it does, the contract-less pay as you go data plan is nice.
Even if you have had two fingers amputated you can still count all the pros on one hand: That includes this pro.
And now... Ladies and Gentleman, put your hands together for what you've all been waiting for, Andrew's critical look at the iPad:
INSULTS
First off, let me admit to something, since apple released the first generation of the iMac, I have always admired the aesthetic quality of most of their products. In my life, I have owned two apple computers: the iBook G4 and the black MacBook with the Core 2 duo processor. The iBook was okay i guess. It crapped out on me after about 3 years, and 2 new batteries, and I have been pretty happy with my MacBook minus the shitty case quality. In my life I have owned more than a few iPods: the first generation iPod mini, the 20gb black and white screen iPod classic, the second generation iPod photo, the first generation iPod video, the second generation iPod nano, and I bought the third generation iPod nano for my Dad's birthday a few years back (I also plan on purchasing the newest iPod classic because my video was stolen). Through out my iPod ownerships I have taken a number of them back to the Apple store to get them replaced for "lacking battery power" or random other problems (scratched screens). So over the years I have had a countless number of new iPods, I literally have no idea and throughout that time I have been relatively satisfied with all of them. They all preformed in the ways that what I wanted them to, although it would be nice if they could have supported .flac music content, but I digress. On top of all the Macs and iPods I still am using my second generation iPhone (unlocked for Canadian use, with no data plan). What I am trying to say with all of this; is that I know my apple products. I wouldn't consider myself an Apple fanboy (my desktop and primary computer is a PC with Windows 7*) but if someone were to call me a fanboy because of the money I have so delightfully shoveled into Steve Jobs' pockets I couldn't argue. So as someone who has been a relatively loyal customer to Apple, I must say that I have never been more insulted by a single product in my entire life.
So friends, let's do it. In the next three blogs here on PartyandBullshoot, amongst a number of surprise topics, we will tear this piece of shit product and its creator a gaping new asshole.
*I just want to take this opportunity to say how happy I am with Windows 7. This is what Vista should have been, and I am happy Microsoft saw the error of their ways and put a little more effort into the creation of the products they have decided to sell me, also the Zune HD looks pretty nice, I would suggest that over an iPod touch.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Assassin's Creed II and Avatar (the movie)
Hello Friends
Just about an hour ago I finished Assassin's Creed II, so I have decided the subject of this week's music blog will not be about music. This week's theme will be gaming.
As I said earlier I just beat Assassin's Creed II, you might be asking yourself right now "I wonder if Andrew liked Assassin's Creed II?" Well here is your answer amigos. I thought it was pretty good... not great... not the worst game I have ever played... pretty good. One thing that I have noticed as I progress into old age is that my tolerance for the quality of video games has reached a new level of snootiness. I will no longer simply plop myself in front of the TV for 3 days and grind through any old RPG or adventure game. In fact, for the most part, I really don't like most of the games that I play. Something about them just seems so commercial and forced, but then again, I don't like anything anymore. Lets take for example James Cameron's epic, Avatar. This fucking movie was supposed to be the Jesus of movies. It was supposed to come out and bust the most "I have seen the future of movies, and it is Avatar," cumload in all of our faces. And for some of you out there it really did just pop some nut right in your eye... in 3D Imax. But for me, the uptight, unable to be impressed by anything, stick-up-my-ass Seattle-ite, I simply was not wowed. I seem to recall leaving the theatre understanding that I was just entertained, but in a way that was sincerely lacking any sort of luster. I know that I was not supposed to be impressed by the story, that it is a simple tale of love and acceptance, but seriously, it really was just the least creative waist of thirteen dollars I think I have seen since I purchased a one month subscription to fake_titted_chick_fucks_pizza_guy.com What I'm trying to say is clearly you can't trust any of my judgments, because although I am in the "prime of my life", I have the creative patience of a cranky eighty-four-year-old man named Saul.
However all of that said, I actually enjoyed playing Assassin's Creed II. Many of the reviews prior to release claimed that the game was what the first one should have been, and that after playing, you would be supremely satisfied. I wholeheartedly agree, Assassin's Creed II is what Assassin's Creed should have been. The combat was fucking awesome, maybe a little artificial looking, and I could have used a lot more gore, but beggars can't be choosers. The free-running in the game is fantastic, and is essentially a game in-itself. To me the graphics where basically the same which seems to be the general consensus. However the basic premise was equally as nauseating as the first game (I always thought the foundation of the game should have been based on assassins, not the "Animus" and whatever ridiculous storyline goes along with that), and there were even a few aspects that I thought were worse, most notably the horrendous dialogue crossed with the foodcourt-itialian accents that all the characters seemed to have. But in all fairness, my main criticism to the first game, as was everyone's main criticism, was the mind numbing repetitiveness, and I will say this game was able to decrease the level of repetitiveness, which allowed for some fun to seep through the cracks.
My thoughts on the game according to this post would suggest that you probably shouldn't buy this game. On the contrary however, I suggest that you do buy this game, and on top of buying it, I suggest you play it all the way through (the end of the game makes the premise of the animus almost tolerable). In conclusion I honestly believe this is technically the best single player game I have played.
Also since this is a music blog, I will comment on the music in the game... not great. I suggest turning the music sound levels all the way down and substituting them with Black Sabbath, preferably Paranoid, and if you can manage to get War Pigs to come on during the final mission, you might just cream your pants in the way James Cameron intended you to do when Sam Worthington successfully transformed from a human to a smurf.
Just about an hour ago I finished Assassin's Creed II, so I have decided the subject of this week's music blog will not be about music. This week's theme will be gaming.
As I said earlier I just beat Assassin's Creed II, you might be asking yourself right now "I wonder if Andrew liked Assassin's Creed II?" Well here is your answer amigos. I thought it was pretty good... not great... not the worst game I have ever played... pretty good. One thing that I have noticed as I progress into old age is that my tolerance for the quality of video games has reached a new level of snootiness. I will no longer simply plop myself in front of the TV for 3 days and grind through any old RPG or adventure game. In fact, for the most part, I really don't like most of the games that I play. Something about them just seems so commercial and forced, but then again, I don't like anything anymore. Lets take for example James Cameron's epic, Avatar. This fucking movie was supposed to be the Jesus of movies. It was supposed to come out and bust the most "I have seen the future of movies, and it is Avatar," cumload in all of our faces. And for some of you out there it really did just pop some nut right in your eye... in 3D Imax. But for me, the uptight, unable to be impressed by anything, stick-up-my-ass Seattle-ite, I simply was not wowed. I seem to recall leaving the theatre understanding that I was just entertained, but in a way that was sincerely lacking any sort of luster. I know that I was not supposed to be impressed by the story, that it is a simple tale of love and acceptance, but seriously, it really was just the least creative waist of thirteen dollars I think I have seen since I purchased a one month subscription to fake_titted_chick_fucks_pizza_guy.com What I'm trying to say is clearly you can't trust any of my judgments, because although I am in the "prime of my life", I have the creative patience of a cranky eighty-four-year-old man named Saul.
However all of that said, I actually enjoyed playing Assassin's Creed II. Many of the reviews prior to release claimed that the game was what the first one should have been, and that after playing, you would be supremely satisfied. I wholeheartedly agree, Assassin's Creed II is what Assassin's Creed should have been. The combat was fucking awesome, maybe a little artificial looking, and I could have used a lot more gore, but beggars can't be choosers. The free-running in the game is fantastic, and is essentially a game in-itself. To me the graphics where basically the same which seems to be the general consensus. However the basic premise was equally as nauseating as the first game (I always thought the foundation of the game should have been based on assassins, not the "Animus" and whatever ridiculous storyline goes along with that), and there were even a few aspects that I thought were worse, most notably the horrendous dialogue crossed with the foodcourt-itialian accents that all the characters seemed to have. But in all fairness, my main criticism to the first game, as was everyone's main criticism, was the mind numbing repetitiveness, and I will say this game was able to decrease the level of repetitiveness, which allowed for some fun to seep through the cracks.
My thoughts on the game according to this post would suggest that you probably shouldn't buy this game. On the contrary however, I suggest that you do buy this game, and on top of buying it, I suggest you play it all the way through (the end of the game makes the premise of the animus almost tolerable). In conclusion I honestly believe this is technically the best single player game I have played.
Also since this is a music blog, I will comment on the music in the game... not great. I suggest turning the music sound levels all the way down and substituting them with Black Sabbath, preferably Paranoid, and if you can manage to get War Pigs to come on during the final mission, you might just cream your pants in the way James Cameron intended you to do when Sam Worthington successfully transformed from a human to a smurf.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Stories from Addiction
"I believe that God has planted in every heart the desire to live in freedom."
George W. Bush
Hello America, This Party and Bullshoot, I'm Ira Glass
Today we bring you a blog post, a blog post that is a little different from what we normally do here, this story is brought to you by one of your contributing editors Andrew, here he is ...
Let us speak honestly for a moment. How many of us have been, or have been close to someone with a real addiction? Generally on this blog, we tend to goof around a little, generally on this blog we speak in a sarcastic tone, a tone of mockery, a tone of cynicism, but not today friends. We bring you a story of someone who like some of you, has felt the pain of addiction, who like some of you have seen the hardships that befall a loved-one when addiction runs their life.
This is the story of my life, the life of an addict.
It all started around two years ago, maybe little more. I don't remember anymore which one of my friends introduced me to that shit. I can only imagine what the situation must have been like. We must have been sitting in a circle around the television. One of my friends would have looked up from his computer with visibly red eyes, twitching slightly. "Hey do you guys want to trip for a bit?" he would've asked. I would have looked at him, and pretended to act like I wasn't afraid to ask what kind of new devilry he would bestow upon our already muddled perceptions of reality. I know now that I should have been more afraid.
The way we lived our lives from that point on was appalling by even the lowest of standards. We floundered around in our own filth, spending most of our days in bed, sometimes not leaving our rooms for days at a time, only leaving to share it with one another. I remember wondering what happened to large chunks of my day, hours that all but vanished to my memory. These memories (or lack there of) leave a hollow feeling in your mind. Knowing that during those times of your life, you are little more than a lifeless being, you contribute nothing to your own life or the life of anyone else. You are an addict now.
These are the diaries/blogspot entrys of a 19 year old boy who only wanted to be a music blogger, but fell to the pressure of the internet culture that is StumbleUpon.
(None of the text in any of these posts has been changed from its original manuscript, I copy and pasted them)
I.
Sound Track from Assassin's Creed II - A look at the functionality of music in the functionality of a growing culture
I want to talk this week about the music in modern video games.
The experience that developers want to give in most modern games is that of total immersion, they want to you to feel in the game. Part of this task means that the music of the game that you are playing pulls you into the action what is happening on your screen. In the epic gaming experience that Assissn's Creed the soundtrack certainly
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
II.
The Empyrean - John Frusciante
As a life long Chilis lover I've grown up listening to Frusciante's whining guitar on some of the most influential and greatest rock tracks of of my generation (if you disagree, you may stop reading my blog at any time). Being a hard core Red Hot Chili Peppers fan means that I have looked into the side projects of the members. Be it Flea's odd projects, or Chad's super group Chicken Foot. However the most likely work to stumble across is John's solo career. Prior to the Empyrean Frusciante had released ten solo albums, all of which were noticably more experimental than those of the Chilis. Many with haunting whaling vocals, and odd yet inventive guitar pieces. Clearly these albums saw influence from the hardcore state that Frusciante was in dude to heavy drug usage including heroin and crack. Frusciante allowed for imperfections in many of his albums, out of tune guitars, off pitch vocals, etc. However in his later solo albums he said he wanted to make things as perfect as he possibly could, this could not be more clear with The Empyrean.
I must say that this album is one of the few recently released pieces of music that I can listen to start to finish. It is for lack of a better term fucking brilliant. The album begins with a nine minute instrumental track that is merely a showcase of the unbelievable talent that this man possesses with axe in hand. Clearly drawing influence from Frank Zappa, this album although psychedelic and trippy offers musical perfection that is borderline heavenly.
Featuring an out of the ordinary folk-esque vocal style that fits perfectly with the background melodies that Frusciante supplies via guitar and other forms of ... shit im gunna finish writing this piece of shit review later.
III. My Favorite Album of 2009
Sometimes I like to put on my headphones and I just can't fucking write a goddamn blog...
Fuck...
Stumble Fucking Video
Good news everyone, I'm back from my blog-hiatus, I've been sober for 4 days now and counting. See you out there.
(Cue in Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds)
George W. Bush
Hello America, This Party and Bullshoot, I'm Ira Glass
Today we bring you a blog post, a blog post that is a little different from what we normally do here, this story is brought to you by one of your contributing editors Andrew, here he is ...
Let us speak honestly for a moment. How many of us have been, or have been close to someone with a real addiction? Generally on this blog, we tend to goof around a little, generally on this blog we speak in a sarcastic tone, a tone of mockery, a tone of cynicism, but not today friends. We bring you a story of someone who like some of you, has felt the pain of addiction, who like some of you have seen the hardships that befall a loved-one when addiction runs their life.
This is the story of my life, the life of an addict.
It all started around two years ago, maybe little more. I don't remember anymore which one of my friends introduced me to that shit. I can only imagine what the situation must have been like. We must have been sitting in a circle around the television. One of my friends would have looked up from his computer with visibly red eyes, twitching slightly. "Hey do you guys want to trip for a bit?" he would've asked. I would have looked at him, and pretended to act like I wasn't afraid to ask what kind of new devilry he would bestow upon our already muddled perceptions of reality. I know now that I should have been more afraid.
The way we lived our lives from that point on was appalling by even the lowest of standards. We floundered around in our own filth, spending most of our days in bed, sometimes not leaving our rooms for days at a time, only leaving to share it with one another. I remember wondering what happened to large chunks of my day, hours that all but vanished to my memory. These memories (or lack there of) leave a hollow feeling in your mind. Knowing that during those times of your life, you are little more than a lifeless being, you contribute nothing to your own life or the life of anyone else. You are an addict now.
These are the diaries/blogspot entrys of a 19 year old boy who only wanted to be a music blogger, but fell to the pressure of the internet culture that is StumbleUpon.
(None of the text in any of these posts has been changed from its original manuscript, I copy and pasted them)
I.
Sound Track from Assassin's Creed II - A look at the functionality of music in the functionality of a growing culture
I want to talk this week about the music in modern video games.
The experience that developers want to give in most modern games is that of total immersion, they want to you to feel in the game. Part of this task means that the music of the game that you are playing pulls you into the action what is happening on your screen. In the epic gaming experience that Assissn's Creed the soundtrack certainly
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
II.
The Empyrean - John Frusciante
As a life long Chilis lover I've grown up listening to Frusciante's whining guitar on some of the most influential and greatest rock tracks of of my generation (if you disagree, you may stop reading my blog at any time). Being a hard core Red Hot Chili Peppers fan means that I have looked into the side projects of the members. Be it Flea's odd projects, or Chad's super group Chicken Foot. However the most likely work to stumble across is John's solo career. Prior to the Empyrean Frusciante had released ten solo albums, all of which were noticably more experimental than those of the Chilis. Many with haunting whaling vocals, and odd yet inventive guitar pieces. Clearly these albums saw influence from the hardcore state that Frusciante was in dude to heavy drug usage including heroin and crack. Frusciante allowed for imperfections in many of his albums, out of tune guitars, off pitch vocals, etc. However in his later solo albums he said he wanted to make things as perfect as he possibly could, this could not be more clear with The Empyrean.
I must say that this album is one of the few recently released pieces of music that I can listen to start to finish. It is for lack of a better term fucking brilliant. The album begins with a nine minute instrumental track that is merely a showcase of the unbelievable talent that this man possesses with axe in hand. Clearly drawing influence from Frank Zappa, this album although psychedelic and trippy offers musical perfection that is borderline heavenly.
Featuring an out of the ordinary folk-esque vocal style that fits perfectly with the background melodies that Frusciante supplies via guitar and other forms of ... shit im gunna finish writing this piece of shit review later.
III. My Favorite Album of 2009
Sometimes I like to put on my headphones and I just can't fucking write a goddamn blog...
Fuck...
Stumble Fucking Video
Good news everyone, I'm back from my blog-hiatus, I've been sober for 4 days now and counting. See you out there.
(Cue in Don't You Forget About Me by Simple Minds)
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