Insult (Part I)

Hey everyone,
when was the last time your buddy asked you, "Hey man I have this crazy-fucking cool new toy that I think you'll really wanna buy from me, wanna see it?!" and you're like "Shit yes, I wanna see it!" and it turns out that your friend's 'cool new toy' was a piece of plywood with dog shit smeared all over it. The last time that happened to me was yesterday, January 27th, 2010, when Steve Jobs presented the general public with his keynote presentation of the iPad, Apple's new tablet.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with tech trends, a tablet is mobile "slate shaped" computer, and the iPad is Apple's version of the tablet. So let's first look at the pros of the iPad.

It looks ok: Alright so it looks okay I guess. What else could it have looked like though? It's a large iPod touch, I can't imagine who saw that one coming.

Pay as you go data: We'll see how long this promise stands up, but if it does, the contract-less pay as you go data plan is nice.

Even if you have had two fingers amputated you can still count all the pros on one hand: That includes this pro.

And now... Ladies and Gentleman, put your hands together for what you've all been waiting for, Andrew's critical look at the iPad:

INSULTS

First off, let me admit to something, since apple released the first generation of the iMac, I have always admired the aesthetic quality of most of their products. In my life, I have owned two apple computers: the iBook G4 and the black MacBook with the Core 2 duo processor. The iBook was okay i guess. It crapped out on me after about 3 years, and 2 new batteries, and I have been pretty happy with my MacBook minus the shitty case quality. In my life I have owned more than a few iPods: the first generation iPod mini, the 20gb black and white screen iPod classic, the second generation iPod photo, the first generation iPod video, the second generation iPod nano, and I bought the third generation iPod nano for my Dad's birthday a few years back (I also plan on purchasing the newest iPod classic because my video was stolen). Through out my iPod ownerships I have taken a number of them back to the Apple store to get them replaced for "lacking battery power" or random other problems (scratched screens). So over the years I have had a countless number of new iPods, I literally have no idea and throughout that time I have been relatively satisfied with all of them. They all preformed in the ways that what I wanted them to, although it would be nice if they could have supported .flac music content, but I digress. On top of all the Macs and iPods I still am using my second generation iPhone (unlocked for Canadian use, with no data plan). What I am trying to say with all of this; is that I know my apple products. I wouldn't consider myself an Apple fanboy (my desktop and primary computer is a PC with Windows 7*) but if someone were to call me a fanboy because of the money I have so delightfully shoveled into Steve Jobs' pockets I couldn't argue. So as someone who has been a relatively loyal customer to Apple, I must say that I have never been more insulted by a single product in my entire life.

So friends, let's do it. In the next three blogs here on PartyandBullshoot, amongst a number of surprise topics, we will tear this piece of shit product and its creator a gaping new asshole.




*I just want to take this opportunity to say how happy I am with Windows 7. This is what Vista should have been, and I am happy Microsoft saw the error of their ways and put a little more effort into the creation of the products they have decided to sell me, also the Zune HD looks pretty nice, I would suggest that over an iPod touch.