Insult (Part III): why i'm so pissed off, and why you should be too.

One thing that I think everyone who owns an Apple product including myself should be willing to admit is that they have paid for a brand, that they have sacrificed some technological value in the pursuit of being trendy. I think that most people would tend to agree that Apple really puts the cunt in cuntsumer electronics, but despite these unfortunate realizations that we all have come to, some of us are still loyal customers. We understand that we are being told to buy a product because it is the cool thing to do, and by the grace of our lord and savior Jesus (Steve Jobs) Christ we shell out our life savings to buy those products. The upside about the Apple products, despite being overpriced and underdeveloped, is that they generally get the job done. By that I mean the laptops compute stuff pretty good, the iPods play music pretty good, the apple TV... TV's pretty good and so on. So why am I so upset right now? Because the iPad does not do anything good except making its owner look like a complacent consumerist whore. My friends, we are being told to buy a product that has clearly had little effort put into its creation. It should be clear that Apple did not listen to any of the thousand of thoughts that its eager followers voiced.

But fine, lets not even worry about that stuff anymore. Let's take a quick look at the pricing of the iPad so we can just stop talking about this POS and move on to more fun topics. With the absolute base model of the iPad being far from affordable at a whopping $500 you can see why I might be a little upset when Apple is telling us to buy a piece of worthless technology with our entire yearly bonus checks. So what do you get for 500 bones? You get a pathetic 16gig solid state hard drive, a 1 GHz processor and a shitty half-assed operating system. Oh but wait, for $10 each you can also get iWork apps, so that you can make your word docs, slide-show presentations, and spreadsheets on your iPod touch iPad. WHAT THE FUCK!? Why would you want to do work on a tablet?

Moving on... We can see that the most expensive model of the iPad is $700. With that kind of price tag you might be thinking you get a 320GB HD, and maybe a better processor, and god forbid you ask for a real operating system. Well you don't get any of those things. Instead you get a "massive" 64Gb HD, with the same processor and operating system as the bass model. One optional upgrade for all the models is 3G capability, which can be all yours for an additional $130. Cool, so the top of the line iPad is actually not the top of the line, the real top of the line iPad is $830 not including tax, and not including Apple Care warranty. During his keynote presentation Jobs said that Apple wanted the iPad and the data plans to affordable to that anyone could partake in blind consumerism.

Well?
For $15 a month you get (before you go on to read what you get I just want to say this is what really put me over the edge) 250Mb. So if you use your handy built-in youtube application (because you can't download adobe flash player because it doesn't have a real operating system) you'll go over your data plan with in 84 minutes of streaming video.

And for $30 a month you get an unlimited data plan. That is $30 on top of your other plans: internet service plan, your cell phone plan, your smart phone data plan and your cable tv subscription. So kudos on spending more money on something that you already have... A FUCKING IPHONE.

So I guess with these last three blogs, what I'm really trying to say is... fuck you John Ive (senior vice president of design), fuck you Scott Forstall (senior vice president iphone software), and most of all fuck you Steve Jobs you disgust me.



Additional thoughts as they come to me:
1. The first time you drop the iPad, the glass screen will shatter.
2. For $370 you can get the Asus Eee PC 1005PE with a160 GB hard drive, a 1.66 GHz Intel atom processor, comparable battery life, and Windows 7 (a real OS).
3. By purchasing the iPad you are literally engaging in fellatio with all the Apple top execs.



A note to my regular readers:
I'm sorry these posts have not really been amusing, I just wasn't prepared for the spectacular letdown that was the iPad. Anyways, if you are truly upset, you can suck my dick.